Thursday, October 1, 2015

I'm not itchy from the cut. I have a separate kind of running uhhh rash down my arm. It's from sleeping on sweaty foam rubber. I had it last time. It would seem to be the sorta thing that would disappear with a mad dash of calamine but it doesn't. I thought I'd see how I feel tomorrow and maybe bother them about it. It gets worse in the shower. 

Yeah that circle thing-it looks like where somebody put a cigarette out-that was this super cool clear tennis ball shaped drainage juice catcher. My Dad laughed SO hard when I told him I texted you the shot. I mean like, he ROARED. Do normal people not send their cousins photos of their surgical sites? 

The worst thing came out last night/this morning. It's a like a clot? It lives in the back of your throat-the tube goes into your stomach. It's just The Most Irritating Uncomfortable thing where they've actually got you pinned to their hospital. It's not like you can rip it out and split. Altho I tried in my sleep and they did a nasty taping job and I really should thank them because if they pulled it and reinserted? THAT would have been brutal. Anyway the clotty thing kinda worked itself out last night. All good. 

Oh. And the reason for the long chop. Two surgeons. First one went in for my brand new rectum. I didn't even really GRASP I had new parts until a day or two ago. But they took out what had been my-wait. My anus is the same, my rectum-I think-got cut out and reconnected(This is where the hand puppets would come in handy, right?) and we just learned the other day-I don't have a natural pouch of waste holding space so now when I gotta go? GO is what they tell me. This will change over time. So that was that. And I've only gone once since I got home. This could be improved upon. Coffee brews as I type. Ugggh. 

 And then doctor two came in and took out one of my adrenal glands which turned out to be benign and got donated to science. I didn't do enough science in my life. I am happy to help. : ) See the whole deal went from being like, okay minimally invasive cut-new rectum/end of story/Tuesday morning sort of a thing. And then there was just One More Test(uggh) and that's when the adrenal gland 'lit up' so then it was an open surgery and that's why it took so long-and the bounce is harder to recover from. 

It was stage one cancer and the doc is thinking I do not need chemo but you get into one of their watch lists no matter what-so you have to follow him around forever like a test quacking duck and he still wants me to go see the cancer guy. 
Two things on this topic. The hospital has a tag line: We also treat the human spirit. And I was looking around for what exactly qualified. Well when I was in the ICU? They have a lady playing the harp. I saw her twice. Unless I might have been slipping away to heaven twice but I don't think so because the second time she was packing it up to take it away. 

The moment I knew I was going to live: I was facedown someplace. Facedown is VERY uncomfortable right now and twisty facedown(which is how I love to sleep) feels like ugggh. But I was down and I thought, you know how they have those wonderful people who do those post-surgical hairstyles? It flashed into my head for one second: And you know Ann, you would totally not LIKE the do. Not even for one moment. 

Oh I laughed and laughed until it really hurt. 



  1. It's always time for hand puppets!

  2. The rash thing...maybe try cooking it with a hair dryer. Sounds crazy but the heat seems to deaden the nerves somehow.
    Yeah, pictures! Whyever not? Like if we were in person you'd show me. Samey same.
    Hospitals treating spirits... Dispensing spirits might be more helpful. Maybe they called you afterward in spirit though not in fact. That's probably what they mean.
    Is it too soon for snark?

  3. I'll try the hair dryer fer sher. Is it ever too soon for snark? : )