Monday, October 26, 2015

Pretty soon, I have to get back to work, so with that in mind, off I went to Central Foundations. I needed a bra that wasn't resting on my sternum and C.F. is not too far away and I figured they'd be good with special needs. 

The owner was really, actually lovely and tried her very best to accommodate me. She was also super helpful helping me hook these monstrosities because since I've been perforated, I'm having some troubles(<---understatement). 

I wore one out of the shop. Absolutely not my style(it might come in handy for serving guacamole and chips some other day.) but I had to get something. Also crazy expensive but as I left, I thought: okay, what you just bought there was some hard-core, old school. customer service.



So I'm on Facebook and I see a friend has a post that said something like: I fought the bra and the bra won. I don't think I even read it right away. Just poking around and she shares her genius idea of de-boneing her underwire bra.  WhAt?!?! 

She yanked an offending underwire. SUCH GENIUS. In a million years, I wouldn't have thought of it but I performed some surgery on one of my own last night and EUREKA.  Thanks Mindy! 

The hospital is having some sort social event this week where women are invited to come in and Bedazzle a bra.  You know, like with a bedazzler. In my previous life? I'd probably find that amusing but hmmmmno. Not any more. 
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The rats. Oh I am SO furious. Be happy I'm in isolation, because really, at this point, I'd be willing to kill someone. (Altho not the actually rats because they scare the crap outta me.) There are 10 traps sprinkled throughout my reality. Our buildings' contracted exterminator stopped in on Saturday morning and that's what he brought. I asked about metal traps( like where you could drive them out to the country and enter them into the witness protection program?) but I suspect his tiny business doesn't stock them. 

Generally, we can live in our living space during the day. Grantley is on her leash which is drooped over my left thigh. But other than that? We've been hiding out in our bedroom.  Who's in a cage now? 

Last night after Madame Secretary, we went out for a longer walk, I opened the condo door and they're already playing croquet in our dining room. 

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So now we're back in Constipationtown. Called the doc this morning(that means it's serious)and he prescribed a bottle of sweet delicious magnesium citrate. (About a third of the price at Osco pharmacy than Walgreens). Small problem. Last time, I drank this I threw up. So, I'm sitting here with a bottle of cold water and I'm trying to get it down. I'm trying to think about Smarties. Like this is liquid Smarties or maybe like Lemonheads. Uh-huh. 

I am not good at tossing back any kind of liquids. I eat jello shots off the toothpick.

I found a really good informational colon-ish website out of Australia.(I hope I can find it again) Thanks Vegemites! 

If anyone has thoughts or ideas about how to get Miralax into my body every morning-I'd sure appreciate it. That's on the menu as well. 

GAAAAAHHHH!

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Dear Normal Life, 
Please come back.
XXOO
A

PS: Soon. 

6 comments:

  1. They make a pill form of Mirilax. I have to drink something right after taking it because it's the icky feeling on my tongue that makes me yack. And for severe constipation nothing works like ye olde fashioned glycerin suppositories. That's a tip from Grandma Hellen.

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  2. Why can't the rats get suppositories and I get licorice beagles?

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  3. Yes, normal life, hurry up!! Who is supposed to pick up the trap if there is a rat?

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  4. The rats (rats!!!!!!) lend a Dickensian air of squalor to your pre-existing misery. Maybe with the surgery and all, if you needed a name for your rock band, it could be Oliver Twisted Sister.
    Ridiculously bad joke aside, today's post sounds more like You than you've sounded since the C-Bastard invaded your life. Winning!

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  5. That is Good To Know.
    Do you know when I started this-post surgery-I was really struggling to put words in order. I wondered if that showed.
    The Cancer Czar said he didn't know why so many people were cancer blogging. I think the value is knowing that there are people Out There, know what I mean?
    I saw a rat this morning. I think he was about to punch out. ME thinks it's time to tear this place apart. Stay tuned. XXOO

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