Wednesday, November 18, 2015

I just walked on ginkgo balls.

Our toilet is leaking on the people who smoke pot in their bathroom below us. They blow it out the window and it goes straight up and into our window. It is of the lowest quality. 

The 9th dead rat is in repose in the kitchen. NINE. I think when you get to ten, the Geneva Convention permits the smacking of a condo board member in the back of the head. Really hard. If I'm not mistaken, of course. 

Where once I could SWEAR someone told me the condo would pay for the patching of rat holes? It's a HOLE(uh-huh)different story now.

I went to bed at 8:30 last night because I heard creepy vermin noises in my living room. I brought the cane they issued me at the hospital in case I had to smash anything. If you know me, up until now, you probably wouldn't identify me as a smasher. Generally speaking. 

I forgot my ID for work today so I couldn't punch in. I NEVER do that. 

My nose is chapped. My ear hurts. Some random zoinks of pain here and there. 

I called my Dad who was waiting for 45 minutes inside an examining room at the doctors office and he wouldn't let me hang up and call their front desk and go coo-coo-for-cocoa-puffs-on-their-sorry-asses which in my opinion is opportunity lost. 

I can smell ginko ball juice wafting up from my gym shoes. 

P called and said asked, What are you doing?

I said, I'm making a list of everything that sucks at the moment.

Why don't you make a list of everything that's great? he asked.

Because I can't think of anything.

Ginko balls. 

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