Sunday, March 20, 2016

Tuesday's Child is Full of Physicians
(I don't know what that means either but I liked it.) 

If it was Tuesday, then there was yet another appointment with a surgeon because I like my stress served like dixie cups coming out of a dispenser. This was the hernia surgeon. I went potluck on him-and by that I mean-I asked for the next available opening and ha ha-guess what? The Monday doctors called this guy: The Boss. 

The what? I ask. He's the boss. Of the whole department. Oh. 

Imagine that. I watched his little movie. He used the phrase 'cutting edge' so many times-I thought it was kinda funny. Tuesday was election day and P is a judge(is anyone surprised by that?)so he was seriously bummed that he was gonna miss it. I guess it'd be like missing an episode of Dallas or something. He's come this far...

I asked Marilyn and not because of her perfect penmanship and not because she was the only one that wriggled past my no visitors/who really wants to see me like that-rule in September, but because she was free and she knows all my crap. Generally speaking. 

If you want charming handwriting on your notes, bring a former 5th grade teacher.

My blood pressure came in at a new low. (All heads turn toward Philip and his foolishness accusingly.) Marilyn brought a sock to knit-and Philip had made me be sure to let her know that these appointments could go forever and I betcha she made probably two stitches. 

It was as fast as the last one had been torturously slow. Two people in white coats entered and I said, Oh! And here come the Residents! And ha ha on me-the female was ALREADY a doctor. I had no idea. 

A moment of silence for her awesomeness. 

Ya wanna know something? This physician was able to look at the whole picture. I think sometimes the dudes forget there's an actual person in there, ya know? Maybe not all the dudes, but I thought I liked my initial surgeon LOTS more than I did when it was just him and me alone in the room. 

She was able to kinda like translate the info into bits I could understand because I have 5 years in massaging.I think she said it three times and I thought EUREKA. Yes I DO know what fascia is/thank you for asking. 

So that was very cool. 

And then everybody out and then everybody back in with The Boss and I dunno. It was a kind of a really cool session. Not half as frightening as I had imagined. 

I asked The Boss: Can something so tiny hurt that much? He said: Do you have children? 

Oh and I think they even had a secret doctor laugh at me. That constipation thing? They said I could take that horrendous magnesium sulfate junk? And I said, I was afraid I'd explode. (No really. I was.) And I think she thought that was so hilarious she made me repeat it. 

(You think we don't laugh at people in MY jobs? You think wrong.) Oh and the answers are the following: colace, dulcolax and/or magnesium citrate.  

So another test on the way. The thyroid thing this Friday and the cat scan the following Tuesday. Not scared. 

Speaking of charming, I got this swell note from my pal Shari: 

Who knew that the thyroid looks like an elephant, I'm a little bit smarter today thanks to you.Also, thanks for writing your blog, as you can see I'm still reading it! I can't imagine when you find time and energy to do it. You are pretty amazing.

True confessions: 

I've been sleeping like a crazy person. Really. Hours and hours and hours. 

My new treats are called: Kool Aid Jammers. For no good reason except I am restricted from pop so I'm insisting on having one drink of misbehavior everyday. I tried orange and now I'm on the blue raspberry. Whoopie!

We got this invitation thing to go to the Y in Berwyn and listen to some life coach type(gaaah) lady talk about Your New Life After Cancer. The only thing interesting about that is, that I was sort of waiting for things to change? I dunno. It seemed like they had to, no? And lately? I'm strong arming them into changing all by myself. POW. 

(Also I get a continual sense that people(including maybe even me)are waiting for things to get back to normal? Normal is gone. YAY!)

The week ahead: SEX SEX SEX. Okay just that intimacy class coming up this week-I said hey maybe we should pick up a bottle of Courvoisier, oui? 


Brace yourselves. 

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