Sunday, March 13, 2016

What It Is

So I'm talking to one of my favorite-favorites at work, listing the cavalcade of nonsense that's been going on(come to think of it, I hope I haven't turned into one of those people that run up to others and list their maladies-hey wait a second, isn't this a blog about cancer surgery?!?!) Anyway, she says to me(something like): You have a really good attitude with all this stuff going on and I say, Ya think so? 

I bought this yesterday for a quarter 
at the Economy Shop.The lady 
said," That must be for people who really like the music." 
I said,"Hmmmmmaybe."


The following are the reasons I can completely 
separate myself from current goings-on. 

1. These are not my bangs. I had my second try awhile ago with the Norwegian lady and even she didn't recognize her own misguided handiwork on these horrible horrible horrible bangs. They belong to someone else's head. That is fo' sho'. 

2. This hair color. A long time ago, I had a massage client who told me about a place that actually specializes in hair color. On their website, it says not only are they affordable but they're fast-which is something that wouldn't really have concerned me so much before this surgery but now I cannot sit until my neck cramps up while they slide a whole roll of Reynolds Wrap into my hair. No can do/no mo'. 

My other work favorite-favorite, when I told her I was going there-to this place in deepest suburbia, she said, "In Wheaton?!??!" and I thought, huh, what's the big deal about Wheaton? Until I got home and looked at the color. 

It's somebody else's hideously conservative color, temporarily living on my head. 




Thing 3. I have-what feels like a serrated knife shoved into my belly, but it's not like straight in-it's kind of at an angle so it doesn't really hurt every minute of every day. Also my back- all of a sudden-hurts like a mutha' so it provides a lot of variety pain-wise.  I am connected to none of it. 

So there. 

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I came home from work, parked the car and in the Jewel parking lot, I saw one of our favorite-favorites from the Jewel. The Jewel is union-or at least it was-so you kinda get to know  the employees over time. I'm not going to tell you this woman's name for her privacy, but she does carts with the energy of 127 men. 

I say hey and she says how ya doing? And then she whispers: I had what you have. 

I'm looking at her now thinking, okay. Which thing? (Which is kind of a little bit hilarious, no?) and she says: The hernia. I had that. And I'm thinking WHOA WHOA WHOA who told her I have a freaking hernia? The immediate following thought was: hey who gives a crap anyway, right? It's not like I don't have a BLOG for God sakes. 

She said," Gurrrrrrrl? I saw Jesus TWENTY TIMES when I had that thing." 

Now she's got me bent over laughing because we are speaking the exact same language all of a sudden. It was so funny. 

She went on to lecture me about eliminating negative people and focusing on healing myself and that I needed to be surrounded by plants. Listen. I heard every word. I have got to get better soon. I have Things To Do. 

Then she went on to say that Philip are I are so cute together, we reminded her of kumquats. And now, as a public service, I'm going to link you to a page about kumquats, saving you your valuable planetary time allocations. 

You're welcome. 

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Tomorrow, a very good friend of mine is getting some cancer removed from her existence. If you're not doing anything, won't you please join me in sending her piles of positive mojo at approximately 7:30 AM Central Time. You can mentally address it to: Ann's Friend. She'll get it. I just know it. 

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