Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Missed a phone call. From the original cancer surgeon with the nice haircut and the cool shoes. Hey-I think to myself-how did HE get back in the picture? I thought I was talking to somebody else. 

He's reviewed my cat scan and while there's nothing to be super worried about... You see that sentence? As I got to the words 'and while'? I'm already worried. And truthfully? When I get a message that starts with the phrase 'Miss Farrell'? I'm already frowning. I don't know who she is but I already don't like her. 

I go to the hospital online email joint or what have you and I send this non-urgent message:

I got your message and the nurse triage line was closed. I'd appreciate any updates because I seem to enjoy getting super worried about things. 

Ann Farrell

Because more and more I need to generate higher and higher levels of jocularity all of a sudden. Sue me. 


Get home and play the message for Philip. I'm all ready to flip out over it-no really, I'm in the O M Gee pre-flipping position and he's all: S.     O.      P. 

"Standard.  Operating.  Procedure. 

The doctor got the test results and he reviewed them and he's just calling you because that's what he has to do. "

Oh. Says me. And I flip off the flipping out switch like there's nothing frown-worthy going on in the universe and I go to bed. Unflipped. 

It's a good thing to remember that this switch exists, because this anxiety crap is exhausting and probably a choice I'd be better off not making. 



The doctor catches me this morning. His voice makes me a little nervous and frighteningly polite. He seems to have almost accidentally reviewed the cat scan(this is a theme, isn't it?)and? He found something. 

Oh, said me. 

He said he was sorry that I had to keep going through all this stuff but that the quality of the cat scans are so high now, they can see more stuff and I said, umm okay. 

And then I thanked him like a crazy person which is so hidiously mortifying but once you start there's no brakes, and I texted Philip that he could go to the appointment on Friday instead of me and he said that wasn't mentioned in my personal ad and I said: fine print. 

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