Thursday, July 14, 2016

Thing one. People keep dying. Really, I wish I could put some sort of a stop to that, because the cancer/death stories come at me like an 'El' train gone express. A co-worker who's Mom died from colon cancer. Fast.The trainer at the gym's Dad who went in with a cancer level of 5 and 2 months later it was like 52367. A cartoonist. First, I say something like, that is some sort of horrendous nightmare you've just been through and then I let the person talk. And I shake my head. 

Thing two. I did something personally brave and heroic and that is related to my hair. (Some people take vacations. I travel through salons.) I had been going to that lady that said all those awful things, and then I couldn't get an appointment with her, so I tried one of the junior girls and while she was cutting, I got to watch The Guy. 

Oh my god The Guy. He was so into it and I was watching and thinking, I want that

So, I called and actually had to talk to the salon owner who is also the sayer of awful things and I said, hey. I'd like to try The Guy. Which turned out to be not a big thing because I'm pretty sure she doesn't recognize my name but anyway I got there and I felt really weird. 

Here's her in the front chair looking at me strangely and I just thought, okay. I'm going to go with the giant confident smile/I don't give a fiddlers f!@# combination and ya know what? The Guy? He had the most gigantic smile for the entire cut. Unrelated to her. He was just grooving on his work. I know it's weird but it felt like whoa, this is so unusually positive-I really don't even care how it comes out. I think this whole deal has been Good For Me like an overflowing bowl of King Vitamin or something. 

(Another minor cancer hair thing. I decided I cannot go and sit in a chair and have some just past high school girl spackle my head with goo while the world spins. Also the cost. Also the general annoyance.

I bought a box. It was 13 bucks. I've ceased to give a s@#$. I have Things To Do.) 

I thought this was pretty. Go figya. 

Thing Three. The gym. Well. I had decided against it. The program they were offering was something like 300 bucks and it featured visits with a nutritionist(which I just got in the cancer center for free) and massages(which are very available to me<---understatement) so I gave up on the phone tag with the Woman In Charge. 

Also-and you can call me crazy-but with all the phone tag I left a message just asking about the cost. Like, hey if you could just tell me the cost-I am familiar with the gym. And she ignored it and it just made it more annoying. Is that just me? All these tunnels we've got now-they're made for communication, no? Gaaaah. 

I tried one more time. I got this guy named Joe. And Joe wanted me to come to the gym. I mean like, he was fantastic-asking questions/answering questions and just making it work. 

It turns out there's a program for $100. It's 8 weeks. Two times a week. And they tell you what you need to do. I ran right over and signed up. And the girl that signed me up-it was a most hilarious conversation because whenever she had to use the word 'cancer', she'd whisper it. 

It was actually irritating me. Blah blah blah blah cancer blah blah blah blah cancer

P said maybe it's cuzza the HIPPA stuff but I thought it was moronic. There's a brochure in my hand and it says: cancer. I think we can all safely move forward from there. 


Thing Four. So my insurance is going to vaporize

What I'd like you to know about that: Ya know this Affordable Care Act? It's not for shiftless people. I have not hustled this hard since I was a janitoress(like a janitor but you have to wear a bra)one summer during college when my sweat went through my underwear before lunch. A Team of 4 cleaned an entire 3 level elementary school. I played the role of The Only Girl. 

Driving one of those floor waxers like the badass you know I am. 

I read about this insurance thing on Facebook on Tuesday. Ya know, there have been so many sort of waves of drama with this cancer experience-I can't really even take more of this stuff in. So, we'll wait and see what happens next. 

One strange thing-I got a call on Wednesday morning and some $1400 blood test had been approved by this insurance company and you can believe I got my arse over there before anyone changed their minds. 

Thing Five. Some friends and I are going to do this. Ya know, I looked at it and thought, I'll just watch this time and maybe I'll do it next year but Thing One. People keep dying. 

King Vitamin. Have breakfast with the king. 

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