Here's the situation. I started the morning negotiating with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois-aka: The Devil. Really, I think they're a terrible group of terrible people. It was like when I worked at the Met and big art shows would be sponsored by big tobacco companies. So big, that when they held their parties, there'd be glasses filled with assorted cigarettes on the tables and because the price was right they got to smoke everywhere. It was The Craziest Thing.
Anyway, I never got my insurance card and what they called 'the policy kit'. Usually these insurance companies drown you in paperwork, this time nothing. After many layers of rigamarole-like, Yes ma'am, if the check was in the wrong amount, we would have returned it to you. I got put on hold for about 20 minutes and I popped into my on-line banking account and low and behold they cashed my check. Got on to a supervisor who cleared it up in about 10 minutes. Oh and no paperwork till Monday, she said but if you want, you can go ahead and self pay and send it in again. Won't that be fun.
My primary care-based on my description of Sunday night/early Monday morning sent me a message that went something like this: GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM NOW.
Here's me: Uhh, no. How much would that even be? I haven't even got my policy kit and I am not not not getting back onto one of those vinyl covered mattresses from hell and have things shoved into my skin by the I can't even find your vein when I'm using a vein finder committee. No f-ing way.
We went to Urgent Care. Urgent Care is clean. The waiting room is not filled with creepy people. They said 20 minutes in terms of wait? It was 2 minutes. The nurse person remembered me from last time-we were all cool right from the start. The doctor-here played by Robert Jordan of WGN news ACTUALLY LISTENED.
Primary care suspected a blockage in my bowel. I just don't think that's what's happening. Urgent Care prodded me-he tossed me back and forth. I even had to jump up and down. And then he sent me for X-rays. And he thinks I might be right.
We negotiated stopping the pain killers today. (Goodbye fellows-I'll miss you.) And trying beans. And kale. And more water. And a less brutal stool softener. And if none of that works? Then it's all vinyl mattresses but between you and me? I cannot get my belly chopped open again. I just don't have the....imagination that would allow me to get through that again.
So think good thoughts on behalf of my intestines, won't you?