Thursday, November 17, 2016

I have a plan. 

It's like a 5 or 6 or 12 point plan who's purpose is to turn me back into a person. Not that I'm not actually a person in the meantime because, of course (duh) I am. It's just the invisibiliality factor of all this medical stuff. That becomes the priority and the rest of you fades. 

I need glasses. That's not even negotiable. Today I had to make library cards for a family fresh from from Africa and with that hologram stuff happening on their state ID's and the can lights above me on the library ceiling-there was not a hope in hell that I could do my usual-'Hey can you spell your name for me?' thing I usually do. Most hilarious when then person is like: J-o-h-n-S-m-i-t-h. And I'm like.....uhhha ha hasorry. So that's on my list. 

And the dentist. I need to go. 

Real shoes. Suitable for job interviews-should they rear their cheerful heads. 

And, make-up. Somewhere along the line, I threw everything away. It wasn't really getting worn and it was old and that is absolutely not cool. 

I went to Nordstroms Rack for the shoes and Nordstroms for the makeup and two different women commented on the cool factor of the shoes I got, so that was cheerful and then the makeup. Hmmm. 

I went to the Bobbi Brown counter. I had fantastic luck with them back in New York. It was expensive but I had it forever or at least I had the template and I liked it. That is a very valuable thing. 

I told this Nordstrom's girl(yeah she was a girl) I was interested in the 'Looking less tired' thing and also the '5 minute face' thing because I care, but I'm not going to make youtube videos about this situation, right? Wellllllll as time marched forward, I lost the honor of just picking out cool colors and I got the hard sell on things like Hydrating Tonic. And Skin Supplement Serum. And that-in addition to all over heavy foundation-is exactly the stuff I just cannot stand. 

It makes me sweat. 

Well, she marched forward-I think-really disappointed in the fact that I was going to be so stubborn about the face spackle and maybe that's why she smothered me with this all-over-Trumpudlian-bronzer stuff and then the weirdest thing. She was applying an eyeliner called Violet Night Gel and I nearly lost my marbles. 

It's a pigment in a plastic stick(like a pencil only plastic) and she was lining the inside of my eyelids(why why why) and I felt like I was back at Loyola having some sort of unpleasant medical 'stick-some-sort-of-metal-implement-where-an-implement-has-never-been-before' procedure. Really. 

I actually recoiled. It was the weirdest thing. I used to think shopping was a great way to spend a day when there were all these trees to look at. 

I promised I'd return to Bobbi Brown and buy something but after I got outside and gazed upon my former loveliness, I knew I never, never, never, never would. 


After I took a nap, I had just enough time to hose that stuff off before I went to Gilda's Club for my first official adventure. Do you know, I got out of the shower with these toxic non-removable purple circles under my eyes. Oh so pretty.



I think I have found my people. When they discovered it was my first Gilda's Club event, holy mutha of jayzuz these women made my jaw drop. (That's an accomplishment.) Almost as a team, they asked me the previous unaskable. I couldn't bother to be shocked because it was coming from all directions. What kind of cancer did you have? When? Where? Did they remove a section of the bowel? No chemo then, huh. What happens when they remove an adrenal gland? And questions along those lines and it actually made me smile. 

These women cut straight to the chase. What a fantastic relief. And there was another thing-they had some sort of positive fury about them. It was so cool. 

The presentation was okay. Her powerpoint was misbehaving so there were things like this: 

The ladies were all like: Is this the humor part? 

And the light refreshments? Lou Malnotti pizza. 


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