Thursday, March 30, 2017

What if you had a gofundme and your 3 friends who already assisted you financially (without even asking) felt like they had to open their butterfly-filled checkbooks again, and then you'd feel like you owed them at least a kidney and there are three of them and only two kidneys?

What if you had a gofundme and you were sitting at Subway savoring the 11th inch of a foot-long and one of your gofunders passed by the window and frowned at your extremely unnecessary extravagance? 

And what if you-gasp-Made A Meal out of it and you had to use your improvisational skills to fill up your cup using "the water button" as opposed to the lemonade fountain of joy and then you had to shove your chips and/or 3 cookies into your coat pocket and they get all squished and you get melted chocolate chip on your very best glove?

What if, on the day you were trying to get gofunded, there was some sorta more attractive gofundme-er with worthier people with floppier inside-out pockets and sadder faces and you just looked like a sniveling douchenozzle?

What if somebody questions the whereabouts of your pride when it was so clearly surgically removed? 

What if people got wind of the fact that you'd cut off your own contributions to gofunding based on the stern lecture you'd received on the ridiculous notion that you had enough cash to gofund someone else? 

What about that?

What if your friends who post photos of glamorous photos of big lives and exotic vacations-what if they declined to pay a bit of attention to your gofunding and from then on, your opinion of them would-if it had not already-most certainly change? 

What if you gofunded and something even worse happened- like you move to Kansas and your house falls on top of a lady with red sparkley shoes and it's-double gasp-actionable? 

What if you developed a gofundme habit and you meet your friends for tea and when the bill came you just sat there with a gofundme smile? Or what if, for the rest of your life, your friends would sit there and expect you to fund them based on this giant fantasy payday? 

What if you ask for what you think might be an exorbitant amount of money and find out later you could ask asked for a little bit more? 

What if you got gofunded and from then on-to the end of eternity-you'd be obligated to gofund everybody else's gofundery?

What if you gofunded and nobody came?

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