Wednesday, July 5, 2017

What I Did Instead of Surgery

Blueberries, rolled oats, banana, hemp hearts, Pom juice. Couldn't finish it. 

Went to the 9:15 water aerobics class and actually played tag while straddling a noodle in the water with a group of four women of one color and four women of another color. Delores kept getting in trouble today which was great because she has the Best Laugh and a Tendency to Misbehave. 


Picked up a pair of Cole Haan loafers in a sort of a navy blue offa somebodies porch in northerly Oak Park fer five bucks. WhAt? Five bucks for Cole Haan?!?! I wore them all day without socks Miami Vice style and felt ever so groovy.

From the River Forest Oak Park Virtual Garage Sale. 

Picked up my Dad and made him laugh SO hard with my most hilarious, Didja hear about the fecal matter in Starbucks? And you wondered why you always thought that coffee tasted like shit? seated stand-up comedy routine in the lobby of his dignified bank. I said something else really funny but I forgot it while I was watching him laugh so hard. 

Had a most enlightening session with a banker who actually knows my Dad's name. Isn't that most fantabulous? I must send her a thank you e right after this. Remind me. 

Raced to Portillio's and scored 2 hot dogs(See: I am The Worst Vegan Ever)and a root beer so we would be on time for the movie.

Got a supremo parking space and as we are strolling by the movie poster, we get up to the movie of my choice and I sing: WONDER WO-MANNNNNNN! And he cracks up and says: Oh Jeez.

The designated theater was less than a football fields length away. Another miracle. 

We're watching the movie. Gets to a sort of a okay-already point and an older woman opens the entrance door to the theater and yells in: JUDY? WE'RE LEAVING.

Enjoyed the show. It was loud. Does the make me old? Good. I am absolutely fine with that. 

I wondered how my life might have been different if I knew I could have grown up to be a superhero or an Amazon. Looks very strenuous, no? I couldn't have flipped backward and frozen in air with one of those dorky gym suits with all the snaps that popped open they made us wear in high school. No sireebob. Especially holding cutlery. 

The Judy hunter returns. JUDY? JUDY? WHERE ARE YOU?

More movie. Move movie. More movie. Backdoor opens again. The Judyhuntress know has a big flashlight that she's waving back and forth across the screen which is wrecking the picture quality so everybody has to turn around and look at her. Including Judy.

Judy was an older woman, seated alone with a giant purse which she clutched as she hurried toward the light. I felt sad for her. She was going to miss the end. 

The End.