Things I Know Now
Embracing Your Inner Wizzlebeast. I think the Hairgods only allow you one good haircut at Supercuts. I must have used mine up the first time(dammit) because the haircut I got the last time frightens me. I look like my hair is on backwards.
I look like a Suburban Mom. I said this to an actual Suburban Mom sporting The Very Coolest Haircut Ever and she said, "That's what you're supposed to look like! That's what you are!"
Actually, that's what I'm not.
Mammograms. Once you've experienced The C, mammograms frighten the shit out of you. You might be a whole lot more brave about asking to see the results and stuff but still.
Pain. I woke up in the middle of the night with my left arm killing me. I didn't know what it was. "Did you think it was The C?" asked my fellow survivor friend because every ache gets your imagination rolling in a bad direction. The strange thing was, I didn't have any idea what it was-until the next day when I remembered I'd gotten my second Hepatitis B vaccine shot.
How does a person forget a shot? I don't even know.
Working My Ass Off/Doing Too Much. Somewhere in the bowels of my imagination, I have it in my head that if I just work hard enough-I can turn my financial ship around. There's no way this can actually happen under current conditions but do not tell this to my head where my mothers voice whispers unsweetly: MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES!
Our Pharmacist is Leaving. She told us last night. I think this actually affects P more than me because he was the fetcher but I was happy for her because she appeared to have become so miserable behind the counter at Jewel Osco and later I realized it's kind of a gigantic bummer because it was So Nice to have someone on The Inside.
We are writing her a Thank You card. It's the least we can do.
Firing Your Doctor. Got into a conversation with a woman at the library who was also a cancer survivor and she talked about firing doctors if they didn't meet her needs. I have orchestrated the release of The Blood Lady. I should have done that a long time ago but I wasn't this version of myself yet.
You have to kinda forgive yourself for some of the decisions you make along the way. You might not have actually been you.
Next time: Running Lessons.